My Story

Some people are able to have babies without a second thought, and then there are those of us who are simply devastated to learn that it is not going to be that easy or may not happen at all.

My journey began when I was told that I probably would never have children.  For someone like me having children was something that I always dreamed of and thought would happen, without much effort.  I did not take this news well, to say the least.  Actually, I sat in my car in the parking lot at the doctors office and cried for hours.  I was shocked at first but once that emotion subsided, I was angry.  I thought to myself how unfair it seemed that this was happening to me.  I felt sad every time I would see a new mother snuggling with her baby and would just wish that someday, somehow it would be me. 

I was referred to a fertility clinic where I spent a lot of time and money trying different treatments and when a treatment would fail my heart would break.  The question would come into my mind "was the doctor right, am I never going to be a mommy?", I honestly just couldn't accept that idea and kept trying.  My husband felt helpless and would comfort me each time we received the dreaded call that "it just didn't work out this time...again". 

Completely by fate I was forced to switch fertility clinics.  I actually was upset by this at the time, I thought that I would have to start all over again from the beginning.  I felt my heart sink at the thoughts of yet another "it didn't work out" call.  As I have a strong belief in the heavens above, I would pray everyday that if I was given the chance to be a mommy that I would be a great one and I would give back somehow for the gift I received.  I tried a lot of different things including convincing my husband to drive to Florida so that I could rub fertility idols, all in hopes that somehow we would be given a miracle (anyone going through this knows how desperate you feel!).

The time came again for yet another treatment, but this time was a little different.  I decided that part of making myself feel better was really believing that this was going to happen for me, and knowing in my heart that somehow I was going to be a mother one way or another.  I thought, this time it is going to work but if it doesn't then it's not going to kill me but only make me stronger.  I felt empowered by my thoughts, knowing that I have been through so much and still felt hope at the very moment that counted.  After that treatment I received my call, after all the tears and struggling, that I was finally pregnant.  I ran to my husbands work and handed him a fortune cookie with a fortune that read "your going to be a daddy".  Thinking about that moment still brings me butterflies, it was a moment of pure happiness and joy.  Then to make things even sweeter, I found out that I was carrying twins.  It was a rough pregnancy, but my baby boys made a rocky but safe arrival into the world two months early.  Seeing their precious faces for the first time changed my life, I knew that my heart was theirs forever. 

Everyday I feel gratefulness that I am "mommy" to my beautiful baby boys.  A gratefulness that I don't know that I would feel if I didn't go through this difficult journey that brought them to me. Through all the heartache, sadness and tears, please know that there truly is hope.  From someone who started out by being told that I probably wouldn't be a mother, to now holding and snuggling my babies is proof that miracles do come true.  Believe in a miracle and hold on to hope, for when a miracle happens there is truly nothing better.                 

My Story (An Amazing Update)

Time has passed since writing the above story and my passion for the issue of infertility has only grown.  Yet another amazing miracle has happened in my life and I want to share it with you to bring hope to anyone currently struggling. 
 
As you know, I was told I would never have babies and I was given the amazing gift of my twin boys, which I am grateful for everyday.  I always thought that if I wanted to have another baby I would have to go down that difficult road again of treatment after treatment.  I noticed while playing with my boys one afternoon that I felt a little off, similar to that "pregnant" feeling.  I felt crazy buying a few pregnancy tests because I thought it was impossible for me to conceive naturally, but I did it anyways just to humour myself.  I put my boys down for their nap and took the first test, it immediately turned positive, I felt simply stunned.  I took the next two tests, and they were clearly positive too.  Talk about a miracle!  I called my husband at work and we both sat in silence just taking in what was happening.  The next day I had an ultrasound and found out that I was four months pregnant. 
 
Last November I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl Hailey, I feel so blessed and indescribably grateful.  My family is now complete, and I honestly feel that the journey that brought me to where I am today has just made me appreciate every minute with my babies even more. 
 
Thank you for visiting my website.  I have raised a significant amount to help those suffering with infertility by selling the "Believe" bracelets, I truly appreciate your support for this worthy cause.  I am also currently writing a book that I am hoping will be a light to those affected.
 
Cheers,
Julie